“…I asked if she had any regrets or unresolved issues she needed us to help with and she told me she didn’t. ‘I had fun. We laughed so much.'” -The Bloggess
Imagine getting to the end of your life and having no regrets. What freedom.
Anyway, the positivity is tough work, especially in the context of family and work and sleep and time and OMGSOBUSYHOWISLIFESOBUSY. But in that podcast I mentioned last time, in an episode that escapes me now, the guest was talking about how his sister was complaining about having the schlep the kids here and there and how this was so busy and she was so stressed and he said (paraphrasing here),”But isn’t this life the one you always wanted?” And she stepped back and realized it was, and she had everything she had dreamed about as a child and maybe she just needed that mental shift.
I can honestly say that I have things in my life that I didn’t want (bite me, cancer), and I don’t have things that I did imagine (where’s my chateau in Germany?), but I’m also not dead yet, so I’m trying to remember to enjoy the things I have and work toward the other stuff. Part of the issue is that some of the busyness? Is for things that come along with the other stuff. I couldn’t give a rat’s patoot about boy scouts but Bubba likes it, so off I go to pack meetings… I need to remember that a happy kid IS what I want, even if what makes him happy isn’t what I would choose for myself. Shift shift shift.
Another thing that’s happening is the return of the knitting. It’s been months since I’ve knat much of anything, but recently I discovered that my Madli had been knocked down behind the TV (out of its protective baggie) and the carpet beetles got it. I had to replace the yarn and got some Fyberspates Scrumptious, which IS. As it turns out, knitting beaded lace as the first thing after a hiatus, in a house with three small boys, two cats and a dog? Rough. (I left out the husband because he’s trained to not touch the knitting.) Plus I had added beads where I didn’t like beads, so I ripped and took them out, and now I’m all of six rows into the edging. Woo. But it’s knitting, and it feels good to do it again, and I may actually give some thought to grafting my Morning Glories. Joan offered to do it for me but I feel like I should at least attempt it before I give up and take the easy way out.
(ETA: I think I paused here and started writing again without reading what had come before. I think it’s illustrative of my current disjointed brain, so I’m leaving it as is, but for this comment.)
Not to mention the fact that, as part of the renegotiation in terms of lifestyle and behaviors, one of the things that T and I both mentioned wanting to do better was to keep things tidy. That means more cleaning, more purging, and most of all, dealing with things immediately rather than piling them up for later. (Seriously, does ANYONE read those stupid mailers?) At the same time, I think the three boys and the two cats (and occasionally the dog) have conspired to be as messy as they absolutely can. (Nothing cuter and more depressing at the same time than coming out of the bedroom first thing in the morning, seeing Smallish Bear point to a pile of cat barf and say EW in his sweet little voice…) This fight against the tide of oncoming crap TAKES TIME, my friends. Where does it all come from?